3 Months Today!

Annabel is officially 3 months old today. It's amazing how fast time flies. My days seem to run together and I lose track of time. It's crazy because it feels like just yesterday she was this tiny little 6.6lb thing that I had no idea how to take care of. Now today, she is a 13lb, smiley, talking, rolling baby that I take care of like a pro!

She has hit so many milestones. It's crazy to me how one day she can go from not knowing how to smile, to smiling all the time. From barely being able to lifting her head to holding it up for long periods of time. From not being able to sit up, to ONLY wanting to be sitting up. She's a smart one I tell ya.

Sometimes, I wish she would slow down. I want her to be small forever.. I was thinking the other day while I was driving to visit my mom.. how did she handle me moving out? Was it hard? Or by that time was she ready for me to be out (lol). How do you learn to let go? I don't want that day to ever come, I want Annabel to stay this little baby that needs me and depends on me. But, I do know as she grows I will too, I will be excited with her as she grows and learns new things.

Though I must admit, I can't wait till she sleeps 8 hours straight or plays with toys so I can get a break even when she is awake. Holding her for 2 hours to keep her entertained can make me a little crazy sometimes.

Well, Happy 3 months Annabel!

Perfect Little Family

How did I get so lucky? To have such a wonderful family? I have a wonderful husband that provides for us so I can stay at home with our daughter. I got so lucky that I have a perfect little girl who hardly ever fusses and is full of smiles, she loves the world and everyone in it. I seriously hope she never loses that. How did I get so lucky to have all of this?

Who knew that putting mine and Sean's love together would create such a perfect little life.. A little life that lights up other peoples lives, brings smiles to peoples faces.. That even when you are sad or down, you can't help but to smile when she looks up at you with her big eyes and flashes one of her gummy smiles and giggles!

Sometimes, life gets hard.. sometimes not everything is perfect. But in the end? I have the perfect little family. My wonderful husband, who is loving, caring, forgiving and most of all the best father any child could ask for. My beautiful daughter who already does so much for the world and I know she is going to do great things.

How? How did I get so lucky?

Breast Feeding Failure

Today I was reading a post that said after a couple months of not breast feeding you can get your supply back.. It seems like it is something that is a "maybe" but a part of me wanted to try.

I haven't told anyone this, but I still feel guilty about not breast feeding, I so badly wish I could.. I want that bond. Don't get me wrong, I have an awesome bond with Annabel, but I want that part of it too. I try to tell myself "Think of how much she eats! She'd be on the boob all day!" But still, I wish I had that option. I blame myself.. I could of tried harder, pumped more, not given up so easy. I feel like I let her down.. I know formula isn't and won't kill her, but I wanted to breast feed her so bad, I wanted her to have the best and lets face it "Breast is best".

There isn't much I can do now.. I looked into the things that I would need to get my supply up.. Basically I'd have to buy expensive vitamins (that may or may not work) and simply have Annabel use me as a "binky", but she doesn't like to just suck anymore unless she is eating, so that won't go over well :(

I guess this is something that I need to just get over..

Oh and Annabel's belly button is already starting to go in! So happy :D

Photo Session!

We had a photo Session this morning! So, go ahead and enjoy the beauty that is Annabel :)

Long Weekend

So, the last time I posted I thought Annabel just had strep throat, well on Friday I took her in to make sure she was going to be okay for the weekend. So, we get to the doctors office and I figure everything is going to be a-okay. We had to wait a while and she was a little fussy, but she I knew she didn't feel good. So we finally get called back and Dr. Madanat comes in, jokes around a bit, asks how she was doing and checks her. Well, he told me she was breathing very fast and... he kind of trailed off and said "Well, lets see how she responds to the breathing treatment", in the very moment I KNEW something was wrong, I began to cry.. I felt stupid, I cried in front of people standing out in the hallway and the nurses, I couldn't help it.

They give her a treatment and Dr. Madanat comes back in to check her again, he tells me she's a little better but he thinks we should admit her, right away I began crying and hard. I told the Doctor I was sorry and he told me it was all going to be okay, that they just want to watch over her. Well, in the mist of what seemed like a dream, he told me that he wanted Dr. Micheal (He is Dr. Madanat's son and the doctor that usually sees her) to look over her since he has been dealing with her. Dr. Micheal came right over (he was at foothill) and came in, he listened to her and said while she is breathing fast they want to do everything to keep her out of the hospital, at this point I had been at the doctors for hours, it was almost 12 and I had been there since 8. He said that he would like to send us home with some steroids and a nebulizer.. but he wants me to come back at 3 that afternoon, before we left they gave her one more breathing treatment and home we went to Daddy.

I got home about 12:30 and she was tired, Sean & I just sat there staring at her, crying sometimes.. scared. No matter how much they tell you it will be okay, it doesn't make it ANY less scary. It seemed like 3:00 took forever to come. Finally, it came and we left (well we left at 2:15) we get to the doctors and Dr. Micheal comes in pretty fast (we had been waiting a while in the waiting room) and listens to her, says she sounds good and he is fine with leaving her with us.. a sigh of relieve! He also sends in Dr. Madanat, who listens and agrees. Dr. Micheal tells us if anything is wrong to call him at anytime and they will take care of her.. As he leaves he turns around and tells us "Don't worry, you guys are great parents". It felt wonderful. I knew we picked a good doctor.

Over the past week she has gotten better, we give her the breathing treatment every 4 hours, now we are down to twice a day. She went from tired and fussy to the happy girl we always knew (see above pictures).

Things have been trying for me and I have been tested as a mom. I have had a really bad cold and a sick baby and a wonderful husband who can't get time off. It's amazing, being a mom I can do things I never thought possible. That little girl comes before me, feeling like hell I somehow was able to coo and smile at her.. and give her everything she needed any time she needed it. I love that girl.. I would die for her. Luckily I am feeling 10x better.

As I write this, I start to tear up.. I never knew I could feel such love for one single person. That instant love, the first moment I laid my eyes on her. When they laid her on my stomach and all I wanted to do was hold her, when she looked up at me with her big beautiful eyes.. I would do anything for her, she is my world and my life.

Today It finally hit me,,

Today made me want to make this blog.. Today is 10 weeks and 4 days since I gave birth to my beautiful daughter Annabel and it was the first day I finally realized "I'm a mom".

Annabel has been sick the past couple of days, I kept saying it was just a cold but something felt off. Well, I ended up listening to my "mommy instincts" and we found out my baby girl has Strep (not to mention me too). While sitting in the waiting room, I held Annabel because she was much to excited to just lay in her car seat, she wanted to see the world! She cooed at people, smiled at people and everyone told me how cute she was and how lucky I am. For some reason, it hit me.. here I am sitting at the doctors for MY daughter, she is all mine (and of course Sean's, but that's a given). It was the most amazing feeling, today was the first day since she was born I really went out without Sean with her. I had to carry her and her car seat, her diaper bag, I looked like a real mom, a proud mom. It was an amazing feeling.

Another crazy thing? How REAL "Mom instincts" really are. I knew something was off, I didn't think it was dire, but I knew SOMETHING was off and it wasn't just a "cold". It's amazing how well we know our children, better then anyone in this world.

So, this is my blog.. my story.. my life as a new (proud) mama!